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Saturday, 18 July 2015

Buddy Parenting---khushiyo ke pal

Like “sport” or “champ” of an earlier era, “buddy” has quietly evolved over the last 20 years into the go-to nickname for American parents, particularly fathers, looking to chum it up with their sons and daughters. “buddy” has for better or worse taken a starring role in the lexicon of modern American parenting.The gist of Buddy Parenting is that the parent’s goal is to be more of a pal than really the parent, the monitor, the overseer,” Friendship means “nobody is in charge.” Friendship is strictly egalitarian. Neither partner exercises authority over the other.

That much for what Buddy parenting literally is .

But put into practice Buddy parenting can take innumerable forms and can involve innumerable characters : parents, grandparents, teachers ,elder siblings , aunts and uncles  to put it in words anyone who is a well wisher of the child can take to   Buddy Parenting .

Buddy Parenting is of course about the kind of friendly parent child relationship where the parent is not a terror who should be avoided ,  who should be kept away from  one's likes and dislikes  one's secrets and some one who should never  be confided in In other words Buddy Parenting is about a parent or a guardian who should be exactly the opposite of all the above mentioned descriptions . Its not only about teaching and guiding but "about confiding and loving ".

In my case this beautiful relationship is between my grand daughter Ananya and  me . WE are both the closest of buddies or lets say the closest of pals bosom pals ,We enterred into this closeness by just a stroke of destiny --it so happened that she was put in my charge as her mother is a senior executive   in a multi national and  I volunteered to look after Ananya as a guardian .  I took charge of her daily life you can say this Nani ( granny) became a glorified Nanny with slightly more authority . Here I took special care that she become a perfect child  in every respect  of health, manners , knowledge, talents because I had to prove to the world and to myself that I had not  committed a mistake by taking up this responsibility. 

It was during this process that we became the best of buddies . She has given me so much popularity every one in this area  knows me through her because as a baby she used to be  very cute  so people started recognizing me as the cute baby's granny . Now she is  five years old and this "Nani and Anny" duo is the most popular . Every evening she accompanies me to the market and I tell her about the things that are to be bought . She with her sharp child hood memory keeps on reminding me about my requirements , at times I ask her " anything  else ? have we forgotten something ?' and she reminds me of the missed articles -. Once back home we get about keeping things in their proper place and she helps me do it all, in fact she has become quite efficient in housekeeping --she knows that coriander roots should be chopped off before storing coriander leaves in the fridge and many a times she admonishes me too if I try  to skip doing this  . There are times when I pretend that I can not find a particular object and she knows the right place where it should be traced , almost always she reminds me that I have forgotten to add Baking powder in the cake batter .My husband too never fails to praise her for her efficiency ----all this makes her feel so responsible and grown up  . She has automatically picked up the habit of keeping things in their proper place. I keep asking her about the next step and she keeps on telling me the correct procedure and the actions and acting which accompany her instructions make it all the more interesting for us . Her observant nature has always been of great help to find things ,  , she knows where to find what and also is responsible enough to keep the things back in the right place.

We  too treat her with equal importance asking for her advice and in the meanwhile not forgetting to tell correct her if she is wrong --and she doesn't mind this at all because we do not preach or admonish we confide .At times the correction is accompanied with  this kind of a dialogue ".... you know one day I too did this .... but then found out that this was not  correct so ......" and she doesn't mind taking the advice from someone who has herself learnt through the trial and error method.  

Isn't this buddy parenting !!

She knew I wanted to see a particular  movie and she kept on reminding me that it will be telecast on a Saturday but somehow I missed it on both the last two Saturdays ---then yesterday(friday17th ) she came at about 9 pm " sorry Nani I forgot to tell you its being telecast now --you have missed the beginning but you can watch at least the rest of the movie " Can anyone care so much for a person except a Buddy ?

She knows I have diabetes so whenever she sees me eating a fruit she asks me " are you allowed to eat this ?"and this query almost always puts an end to my drifting away from the right path .

If I go on narrating incidents I may never be able to stop because the fact is that she is  the life line of our family ---some one who keeps the clock ticking for us the two senior citizens of  who have no reason to feel old with her around .

We share a rapport with her which is so special . I Feel Buddy parenting is not about the child enjoying his parents " loss of authority " but its about the child feeling mature enough to be relied upon , he/she feels that even if he/she has committed a mistake its only normal everyone commits mistake and he / she is not  foolish or immature to have done that . 

Buddy Parenting can be put to  best use if we want to teach a child something because it takes away the drabness from teaching it takes away the high handedness which is so often resented by the child .

Thus Buddy Parenting is not about Loss of authority of the parent but its all about the building of confidence in a child and the establishment of a rapport which brings about love and trust .

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  1. "Buddy Parenting" explained very well :) All the best for the contest.

    1. Thankyou so much DeSaKas world for visiting , appreciating and of course for your good wishes :)

  2. Excellent post.What a splendid boon she is for both of you--AS YOU ARE FOR HER.
    Wish you good luck Rajni,and lots of luck!

    1. Good morning and Thankyou so much Indu ji
      It always makes me so happy to receive a comment from you because you always understand what I mean to comvey .
      Thank you so much once again
      incidentally I have just come back after dropping Ananya to school --its raining heavily .
      warm regards

  3. Best of luck for the contest.

    1. Hi Kalpanaa M
      thankyou so much for the visit and the appreciation and the good wishes :)

      warm regards